No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
