just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
