i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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