Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
