when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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