Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize