Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
how does that bad decision feel?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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