I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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