She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
