Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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