I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
