I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
