i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
