whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
