farters have to be the big spoon...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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