I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can't trust your balls anymore.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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