i need an iv and a liver transplant
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize