i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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