i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize