I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
