it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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