I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
