I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
