i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
