Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
