when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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