Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Rumble strips road head = magical
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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