before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
