She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
