it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
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casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
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I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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