So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
