She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
