and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
