just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
