i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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