There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
...so i touched it.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My vagina is very pro this idea
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
