You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
