I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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