Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
