My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
