My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
