super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
