he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize