Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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