True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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