We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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