i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
