i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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