Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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