i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
