Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
