i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
