hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i will never coherently bang her
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
