when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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