Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
