she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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