i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
