i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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