One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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