Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
