I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
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They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
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There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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