i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
