i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
