my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
