i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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