I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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