Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
