why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
