sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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