I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
